Re-membering Conversations

Introducing re-membering conversations

by Tileah Drahm-Butler

Re-membering reciprocal relationships

by Chris Dolman

A reflection from Aunty Barbara Wimgard

Now please read a reflection from Aunty Barbara about Chris’ video:

Bringing lost loved ones into our conversations: Talking about loss in honouring ways.

Who’s your mob? Aboriginal mapping: Beginning with the strong story

This article by Justin Butler describes ways in which his conversations are guided by Aboriginal worldviews and narrative therapy:

Who’s your mob? Aboriginal mapping: Beginning with the strong story‘ by Justin Butler


Saying hullo again when we have lost someone we love

This chapter, by David Denborough, explores ways of ‘Saying hullo again when we have lost someone we love

It’s from a book called ‘Retelling the stories of our lives: Everyday narrative therapy to draw inspiration and transform experience’

Carolynanha Johnson

Having a yarn with those who’ve passed on.

This short piece of writing by Carolynanha Johnson is about having a yarn with those who have passed on.

Creative Letters to Elders of my Past and Present

In this video Annette Dudley describes a project about writing letters to significant Elders who have influenced her on my life journey.

Re-membering Practices

Now please read this article from Paul Martin about Re-membering Practices.

Reflecting on re-membering conversations

by Tileah Drahm-Butler

This Post Has 51 Comments

  1. Shayla Dube

    The Hullo metaphor resonated with me the most because the saying goodbye often adds suffering as it emphasizes termination, ending, hopelessness and helplessness and remembering beacons more doors of hope and light, which are infinite. Being raised in a culture when children were not included in the grief conversations but somehow expected to be ok, I found this chapter so powerful. I also enjoyed Justin Butler’s paper on mapping and found the questions asked so empowering.

  2. Kate Coomber

    I really enjoyed the writings and observations for Re-membering Conversations. They have reminded me of the time a few years ago when I was working as a funeral arranger and a family wanted to dress their elder. They were Wurundjeri women and their elder had requested to be dressed in head to toe Nike. As the women dressed her, combed her hair and did her make-up there was a lot of talking about and remembering this lady for how great her influence was, how important her presence and how unifying a figure in their lives. It was a beautiful and happy conversation. And the influence and presence of this elder was felt very clearly in the room. Re-membering Conversations and Saying Hello Again are so important in keeping a persons’ presence in the lives of those still living.


    I think the most important theme in these reflections is the importance of spending time with people, to allow the space and time for stories to be told. I love a quote from one of the Port Lincoln Support Group, that describes grief as ‘A place to fall over and sit down’. While written stories are useful, most of my clients prefer oral stories. I valued the information about ‘Just Therapy’ – thanks Chris, I will follow up to learn more about this. Intergenerational trauma is a fundamental element of the stories of so many people, especially our First Nations. It is so important to acknowledge and understand these stories.

  4. Su

    Thank you for sharing your stories Annette, it truly is a beautiful way to remember & honour those that have passed. Writing is also a very therapeutic way to heal, your reflective stories were inspiring & full of hope.

  5. Shamini Abeykoon

    The concept of reciprocity and gratitude and remembrance isn’t a novice to me. Being brought up in a South Asian culture at an extremely young age remembering and honoring our elders and their sacrifices was taught to us. Writing letters to our elders, as an initiation to grieve, and furthermore referring to Barbara Wimgard reflection I agree that in some cultures grieving is discouraged. “move on” “get over” there is discomfort in talking about pain and grievance hence promoting unhealthy silence. This method of writing letters takes the discomfort of talking to someone else but still finds a method to address pain and grief.

  6. Anna Ueda

    In my culture, which is heavily influenced by Buddhism, respecting, praying for, and thanking ancestors are ingrained. However, writing letters to remember and honor departed ancestors was a very new and inspiring idea. In tracing back my family history, there were several departed family members that have influenced me greatly. I am very excited to try this practice out myself. Considering the Aboriginal families and Indigenous Peoples in the world who were deprived of their lands, identity, dignity, pride, and all the tangible and intangible losses that they have experienced forced me to reflect on my own privileges.

  7. Bailey Maly

    Discussing grief has always been an area of difficulty for me. I will definitely be adding remembering reciprocal relationships to conversations about grief and introducing the exercise of letter writing to our loved ones who have passed. Both in my work with clients and in my personal life.

  8. Rachel Trout

    In this section I particularly enjoyed reading Barbara Wingard’s reflection Chris Dolman’s paper, specifically her emphasis on naming injustices as a way to acknowledge the impact of these injustices on current lives. Including this in discussion about loss seems to be a way to honor the struggles of those who have passed on, and as a future counselor I hope to hold space for these memories as part of helping my future clients move through their losses. Thank you for sharing these valuable insights through this training.

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